SOMETHING SOOOO WRONG

OK soooooo 2day did NOT start out so great...I got pink eye today :-) YEAH!!!!! SO EXCITED!!!!!
Life is going ok....i am really just BLAH about everything.....I am so scared of what life is going to bring. I always thought God was going to give me the desires of my heart...i mean i don't want wicked things...LOL
i want to be a church or christian school secretary, marry a TALL godly man, work with youth and have 20 kids(j/k only like 3 or 5).....I mean is there SOMETHING sooooooo wrong about that???? BLAH BLAH BLAH

BLAH

Life is not cool right now...I feel like i am in a downward spiral of POO....I can't find a job, I can't go to school...I am sick and tired of being everyones everything. I stay up late listening to my single friends WHINE about there love lives and how they don't know what to do about this problem or that problem. I am sick and tired of listening to my married friends whine about how they don't have time to do this or that or they wish they could just stay home with there kids and there husband or how they don't have money. I AM SICK OF IT ALL!!!!!
I would give anything to be able to take care of a man. Do his dishes, laundry, clean the house he has provided for me. I mean is that such a big friggin deal?? I mean i see these girls who are 18 and 19 getting married and having kids and then all they do is whine about how they want there childhood back....WELL THEN YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED!!! DUH!!!!
I mean i don't get it. I want Gods will, I want what god wants in my life...BUT is this what he wants.....for me to have no job, no education,no life, no nothin???? I don't understand!!!!
I have ALWAYS been the "good girl" and my brothers and sister are technically doing better than me now everything is not perfect but they all have jobs, families, homes.....Why does ME the "good girl" suffer...CUZ I AM THE "GOOD GIRL"?????
I GIVE UP....whatever......

before at..whati weigh now after i lose 50lbs :-)

Going Crazy

OK sooo apparently i am NEVER going to be able to go to school. I can't get a grant because i am not on unemployment and i have not been laid off. I don't know what to do. It seems the closer i get to the thing i THINK God wants me to do..it gets shoved far far away.
I get sooo upset BUT then i try to think HEY maybe God has something so AWESOME for me that i can't handle it right now and when i am ready he will give it to me and then i will appreciate it more :-)
It is hard to think that. I feel like a giant failure. I want to go to school, i want to work and NOTHIN i am not doing either. I have applied for like 100 jobs in the last month NOTHIN from noone....I don't know what to do. I am just praying the Lord shows me SOMETHING soon!!!!

Wonderful Family

THE FOOD

my wonderful sister in law KimberlyMY niece Britt after i straightened her hair :-)

Thanksgiving was great this year. My brother and sister in law came over wednesday afternoon and spent the night and stayed til Thanksgiving night. It was AWESOME!! It is a tradition i want to keep :-)

We had services on Tuesday instead of wednesday and my whole family being Me,Marty, Nick,mom and Kimberly sang Create in me a clean heart at the service...It was AWESOME.

God has been sooo good to our family. If all of you knew what we have been through you would feel the same way i am sure. God's Grace truely is Amazing!!!!